im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
