you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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