the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
tell me about the eggs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
