my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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