nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
