Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
