He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I love you. Go after that dick
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize