Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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