Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
