reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
