Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
