At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
