Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
