Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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