please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
