when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
