Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.

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(360): View more from Washington

She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

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(705): View more from Ontario

He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much

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(256): View more from Alabama

You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?

(938): View more from

I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter

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