I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize