haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
