after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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