Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
