I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Umm I'm too high to move.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
