I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
