I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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