dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
