Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
