you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
