Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize