life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
