Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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