I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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