She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
