Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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