Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will be naked everywhere
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
