i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
