I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize