I think I am morally bankrupt
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
