The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
