So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
