You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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