ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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