i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
