His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
