I wannas sexs uuuuu
I cannot find my penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize