Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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