So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
