Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
