how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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