Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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