I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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