i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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