The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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