Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
