Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
