My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
