That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
