he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize