do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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