Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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