I hate all girls vehemently.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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