apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
