doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
