allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
