Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need water and some morals
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
