every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
