you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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