So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
