no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
