the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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