So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
