thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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