i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love having hate sex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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